-The Wages of Sin is Death!-

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Depression

My "anger" has been getting scarier than before, that I can’t control it and I flare up easily… ever thought of killing someone. Seeing a bottle of cough mixture, just feel like finished it all.
I hate to tell you what had happened to me.. or should I say I don’t even know who I am dealing with? I down with depression feeling so helpless!

I do not know what is inside me.. Sometime is so powerful that it controls my body and my mind. I feel like yelling and banging myself on the wall.. I hate hurting my friends and my beloved one and always after flaring my anger at them, I feel regretted and bad of myself.I am so weak now.. I feel like I letting that “thing” take hold of my body.
Whenever, I resist it, I feel an ache in heart, it so horrible! And my ears keep hearing this “is all my fault… is all my fault” I couldn’t breathe! I have this kind of feeling that God is so near yet so far from me.

Who am I fighting with? With Sandy or with satan? Am I defeated or am I hiding?

Posted by ~~Beautiful in God's Sight~~ @ 3:29 pm

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